Praxical.Psych

The Harkness family

Referred over Kit’s school refusal; six weeks of near-total non-attendance.

Nadia (46), Ross (49), Kit (16), Iris (12)advancedsystemicfamily therapyschool refusalstructural
The teaching point

The identified patient is sixteen. The problem is not sixteen.

Referral

Referred by the school’s pastoral lead. The referral names Kit as the client. Nadia has made the appointment, telephoned twice beforehand, and asks in the first minute what is wrong with him.

History

Kit stopped attending school after an incident he will not describe. He is in his room most of the day, online at night, and eats separately. He is not depressed on screening, though he is flat and monosyllabic in the room, and he answers most questions by looking at his mother.

Nadia manages everything: appointments, school communication, Kit’s meals, Iris’s activities. She has taken three days of unpaid leave this month. Ross works long hours, arrives home late, and is described by Nadia — with him present — as "not really involved in this side of things". He does not disagree; he looks at the floor.

Iris, twelve, is doing extremely well at school, is described repeatedly as "no trouble at all", and spends the first session making her brother laugh twice.

The sequence

  • Kit does not get up.
  • Nadia escalates — reasoning, then pleading, then anger.
  • Ross arrives home and says something about being too soft.
  • Nadia turns on Ross, and the argument becomes about the two of them.
  • Kit is left alone, and the day is over.
  • By evening Nadia is guilty and takes food up to his room.

Formulation notes

The repeating sequence contains the formulation. The escalation reliably converts a problem about Kit into a conflict between his parents — which is exactly what a structural therapist would expect a symptom to do when a couple’s difficulty has nowhere else to go. The cross-generational coalition is visible: Nadia and Kit are enmeshed, Ross is peripheral, and Iris has taken the role that costs the least.

Attempted solutions as the problem

Everything the family is doing is loving and each element makes the situation worse. Nadia’s escalation raises the stakes on getting up. Ross’s intermittent criticism guarantees his exclusion. The food taken upstairs makes staying in the room sustainable. This is the MRI insight applied directly: the attempted solution has become the problem.

Sessions with this person

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